Whoever first decided to put pineapple on pizza must die.

"Pessimippopotamus" (pessimippopotamus) 11/19/2014 at 17:50 • Filed to: OPINIONS

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I mean, it's not you can get a high quality pineapple pizza anyway since it's all sugary canned crap. Thoughts?

Mercedes Streeter > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:52

6

Couldn't agree more!!! Pineapple on pizza is bloody awful...

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:53

5

Duuude... pineapple,kebabmeat and fries on a pizza is just awesome.

For Sweden > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:54

15

Your opinions on pizza and you yourself are horrible and wrong.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:54

2

My favorite local pizza is peanut butter, provolone and bacon.

Sir Halffast > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:55

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But, if you DO get fresh pineapple, and nice thick ham steak, it's freaking amazing.

jkm7680 > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:55

1

Who decided it was a good idea to put a fruit on a pizza?

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > PanchoVilleneuve ST 11/19/2014 at 17:56

1

That.. that.. that actually sounds rather awesome.

HammerheadFistpunch > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:57

0

I feel the same about pepperoni...now what?

LuczOr > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 17:57

1

I agree, fruit doesn't belong on this cheesy, meaty dish. Especially citrus. Do oranges sound good on your pizza? How about some grapefruit? No? Then how is pineapple ok?

HammerheadFistpunch > jkm7680 11/19/2014 at 17:58

10

Tomatoes are a fruit...at least botanically.

jkm7680 > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 17:59

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Meh Meh, Scientifically.

macanamera > For Sweden 11/19/2014 at 18:00

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Also, try being better.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 11/19/2014 at 18:01

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It is. It's perfectly salty/sweet. It's great with several pints of Ten Penny Ale.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:01

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Get that shit off of there.

For Sweden > PanchoVilleneuve ST 11/19/2014 at 18:01

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You are monstrous.

For Sweden > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 11/19/2014 at 18:02

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I know Norwegians aren't as accepting of immigrants as Swedes, but you put kebabs on pizza? Really?

Pessimippopotamus > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:02

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We both enjoy a nice slice of italian sausage pizza.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:02

4

Now you think about what you did and why you shouldn't do it again.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > For Sweden 11/19/2014 at 18:03

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There's no marinara or anything on it, the peanut butter is the sauce.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:03

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Canned pineapple usually comes in its own juice, so there's that.

I do like this Hideaway specialty:

Tulsa Hurricane

Much bigger than any tornado; this is a swirling phenomenon of sweet and spicy flavors. Hideaway Red sauce covered with a blend of mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, Canadian bacon, smoked bacon, diced green bell peppers, pineapple and jalapeños.

Pessimippopotamus > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:04

1

We don't macerate tomatoes in a corn syrup solution before putting them on pizza though.

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 11/19/2014 at 18:04

1

its true, I will never add pepperoni to pizza again. Thanks!

For Sweden > PanchoVilleneuve ST 11/19/2014 at 18:04

2

Then it's a toasted open-faced sandwich.

Pessimippopotamus > Sir Halffast 11/19/2014 at 18:05

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Fresh pineapples sounds intriguing. It'd have to be ripe and nicely caramelized in the oven, I guess.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > For Sweden 11/19/2014 at 18:06

5

YOU'RE A TOASTED OPEN-FACED SANDWICH

HammerheadFistpunch > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:06

2

you sure?

There is about 50% as much sugar in tomato sauce as is in Soda.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:06

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()

The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:07

3

Pineapple belongs on pizza the same way that pepperoni, sausage and mozzarella cheese belong in a fruit salad.

However, what's worse than its mere existence is the problem that it inevitably creates when ordering pizza for a group. If there are 12 people to feed, and the person calling in the order makes the mistake of asking "what's everyone want on their pizza," there will invariably be 1-2 taste-deprived assholes who say "pineapple." Despite the fact that they represent a tiny minority of the people who want pizza, they will almost always get one pizza with their abhorrent topping of choice on it.

Once the pizza shows up, those 1 or two halfwits will consume, at most, 1/4 of their pizza, leaving the rest of it sitting, unable to be consumed by anyone who had the good fortune to be born with functional taste buds. Of course, even though no one else will touch their shit-tastic abortion of an insult to food, they'll happily grab a slice or several of all the other pizzas, like that one dickbag who brings Natty Lite to a tailgate, then drinks half of your Sam Adams in return.

Now, before anyone says "vegetarian," if one of the pizzas in the group order is vegetable-only, it can still be consumed and enjoyed by everyone else, because it doesn't taste like Don Ho jizzed all over it. However, since pineapple is a polarizing pizza topping, the uneaten portion of the Mistake That Cannot Be Undone pizza will remain that way, until it gets pitched.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > For Sweden 11/19/2014 at 18:09

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You haven't had good pizza until you have had donair pizza from the shop near me. Legit the best pizza.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:09

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You are wrong and your mother smells of elderberries!

Pessimippopotamus > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:13

2

#notalltomatosauce

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:13

1

I love it.

HammerheadFistpunch > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:14

0

That's the number google gave me for "tomato sauce".

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:18

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There is only one way to eat pizza. That is with meat and more meat for your meat because I really like meat.

Pessimippopotamus > The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin 11/19/2014 at 18:19

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If there are 12 people to feed, and the person calling in the order makes the mistake of asking "what's everyone want on their pizza," there will invariably be 1-2 taste-deprived assholes who say "pineapple."

OH GOD YES. That's actually the reason for my rant. No one in the right mind should ever ask for pineapples on a communal pizza. Especially if it's going to be a deep-dish Chicago style pizza. A mound of cheese and sauce with pineapple chunks studded in it. What the hell is wrong with people?

Sir Halffast > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:20

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It would. The easiest way is to use Trader Joe's frozen pineapple, as fresh cut might be too juicy. Either way, NEVER canned.

Also, thick cut ham >>>> getting hit by car >>>> Papa John's Canadian bacon.

T5Killer > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:20

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There is only one way to have Pizza and that is with chopped green chile on it.

Pessimippopotamus > HammerheadFistpunch 11/19/2014 at 18:26

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I just did a quick calculation on my favorite bottled marinara sauce and it doesn't even come close.

25g of sugar in 12 ounce of Sprite.

6g of sugar in 12 ounces of Victoria Marinara sauce.

I guess I can't say the same for major pizza chain sauces.

JGrabowMSt > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:34

0

Whoa whoa whoa

Step off my food bro. Hawaiian Pizza is bangin! Pineapple & Ham is my jam.

JohnnyWasASchoolBoy > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:34

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Yes! This! Pineapple on pizza is an abomination that must be cleansed from the earth. See also: Raisins in cookies.

cayman2007 > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:35

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The only pizza that makes sense: thin crust, tomato sauce, lots of cheese, bacon, pepperoni, and mushrooms. That's it.

The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:35

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You said nothing about Chicago-style... That is the most awful thing I've ever heard. These people must be exterminated, before they can reproduce and pollute the gene pool with their wretchedness.

Pessimippopotamus > The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin 11/19/2014 at 18:36

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I think what's even more frightening is that people actually make money making pineapple Chicago style pizza.

Pessimippopotamus > JohnnyWasASchoolBoy 11/19/2014 at 18:37

1

Raisins in cookies is just mean spirited.

D > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:38

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Word. Hawaiian pizza is inexplicably nasty to me, it literally combines by two least favorite toppings.

Forgetful > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 18:41

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Fuckin Nazzis. Pizza Nazzis, all of you. Next you'll be puttin them in ovens.

Pessimippopotamus > Forgetful 11/19/2014 at 18:51

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Hey now. I'm not the one who wants a systematic extermination of pineapple lovers .

JEM > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 19:12

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Not a big fan of pineapple on pizza but I had a slice at a work lunch last week and I liked it.

Now broccoli.... that shit should not be on pizza. Or anywhere. ungh.

The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 19:13

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THERE IS NO GOD

midengineer > T5Killer 11/19/2014 at 19:28

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Sometimes I hate HD photos...

505Turbeaux > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 11/19/2014 at 19:30

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whatever this is, I want it

505Turbeaux > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 19:31

1

clam and bacon white pizza all day. Fuck those pineapples

mrbaits > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 20:35

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While we're at it, let's condemn everyone who likes anything we don't like....

jmedarts > The Stig's Rustbelt Cousin 11/19/2014 at 20:37

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Ffwd to 3:30....

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/8o83j9/…

Thunderface > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 21:48

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HAWAIIAN FTW

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Pessimippopotamus 11/19/2014 at 22:03

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The sweetness makes it good as leftovers for breakfast.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > For Sweden 11/20/2014 at 03:37

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Well.. it's more a swedish thing, but yes ;)

Mattbob > Pessimippopotamus 11/20/2014 at 08:12

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you are wrong. Pineapple, ham, sausage and yellow peppers is delicious.

Mattbob > LuczOr 11/20/2014 at 08:13

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tomato is a fruit. Where is your god now?

Mattbob > JohnnyWasASchoolBoy 11/20/2014 at 08:17

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oatmeal raisin cookies are delicious.

For Sweden > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 11/20/2014 at 09:04

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Oh THOSE kebabs...

Pessimippopotamus > 505Turbeaux 11/20/2014 at 09:58

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It's a bowl of fricken clam chowder plopped on flat bread!

wrblue11 > Pessimippopotamus 11/20/2014 at 10:22

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pineapple and chicken stuff crust from pizza hut is the best

JohnnyWasASchoolBoy > Mattbob 11/20/2014 at 12:24

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My kid loves them. I make them for her. They smell great. I cannot, for the life of me, eat them.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > For Sweden 11/21/2014 at 08:45

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Yup, THEM kebabs :P Had one at Roma Pizzeria in Charlottenberg yesterday (Beer/snus-run to Sweden yo), Kebabpizza med extra allt.

Nick May > Pessimippopotamus 12/09/2014 at 18:57

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Thoughts? Let's see:

1- Your choice of title is a perfect example of the kind of deliberately inflammatory rhetoric that makes every legitimate, well-thought out piece of writing on the internet look immature and unintelligent. If you dislike pineapples on your pizza, there are better, smarter, and more polite ways of saying so.

2- Why are you posting this on a site devoted to cars? There are plenty of food blogs - including ones that are part of Gawker Media - where a post like this would be far more appropriate.